


The hero brings the light and the blades of betrayal

by purplefox



Series: ShukitaWeek2019 [5]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 00:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18981145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: Shukita week day 5: Inspiration and BetrayalHe can't paint, it's so painful and there is so much for Yusuke to process. Akira is different enough to maybe break through this wall but there are so many things for Yusuke to face. He does not know if he has the strength for them.





	The hero brings the light and the blades of betrayal

A curtain had fallen over Yusuke’s creativity and no matter what he tried. No matter how hard he worked he could not fight through the curtain to breakthrough into the light. He was trying his hardest to break through he was struggling forward the only way he knew how but the things about all of this was that his feelings had changed.

He had shifted his entirely when it came to art. He still loved it. Yusuke rubbed his hand over the blank canvas as he sighed. The setting sun that shined through the art room window only served to remind him of how alone he currently was. It was just himself left in the room. Just him because everyone else had left.

How depressing but what could Yusuke do about the fact that drawing seemed to be currently beyond him? He fought as hard as he could to make some progress he ran through thoughts and ideas but nothing he was able to do had that spark. He still had his skills but none of the deep passion that had shown through his works. No matter where Yusuke looked, he could not find it. It was painful.

It was heart-breaking because he loved art. He lived for art. Art was such a huge part of Yusuke and to find that he could not seem to break the glass cage he found himself in. no matter how he thought or where he looked, he could not seem to find a way out of this thing that held him captive.

His old ideas the things that had made him happy. The ideas he had mulled over back before all of this had changed. Before he had changed so much because Yusuke knew that the reason behind his block, the reason behind his slump was because there were things still in his heart that he had not resolved. Not that he could really do much about that at this time.

He was busy and it was not just him. His friends, his comrades they were all busy. There was no time to go into any real depths of self-discovery. No time to do more than try to process the things around them. Yusuke sighed again as he splayed his fingers across the blank canvas. He did not want to waste a single movement of his brush. He wanted to create. He wanted to work but nothing was coming to mind that was worthy of being placed on a canvas.

Such a painful feeling. He allowed his shoulders to slump before he reached for his art book. Filled with half sketches of various things. They had no life to them. There was no passion no originality no message. There was no Yusuke inside of these things and that what disappointed him the most.

He had to keep trying he had to work at it harder. He had to keep searching for the thing that would pull him out of the slump. Yusuke tucked his artbook back into his bag before he got to his feet. A sigh before he glanced around the empty art room full of shadows before he rubbed his face with the back of his hand.

His phone vibrated in his pocket twice with hard vibrations. Yusuke fished it out already knowing what it was. Only one thing could set off this particular set of vibrations. It was time for a phantom thief meeting.

X

Their leader had many sides and he was fascinating. Now that Yusuke had come to know him it was hard to understand how he had overlooked and dismissed him before. Even though he knew now that Akira wanted to be overlooked it was hard to understand how he had ended up fooled like everyone else.

Akira melted into crowds, he so easily moved from one scene to the next and acted like he belonged there. The way he was able to so easily cast away his high schooler façade and move as if he were but another adult fascinated Yusuke.

In Mementos he was a leader in every conceivable way. It was baffling how he managed to fool the real wold so easily. Akira was the Joker, the wild card that Morgana had named him and he lived up to his name. In a fight he was their wild card that could pull off the victory they were looking for. It was hard for Yusuke to keep his eyes off of him and he imaged that everyone had similar difficulty.

For Yusuke the Joker that he watched in Mementos was hard to look away from. He could be amusing and cocky but he fought hard and he relied on them his trust in them showing in every single action he made. For Yusuke there was no one else he would rather give his dedication to.

Akira accepted Yusuke and he accepted the Mementos part of him. It was easier to feel free in Mementos. In the metaverse Yusuke felt as though burdens were lifted from his shoulders. The more they saw the more fascinated he became. He could not help how he felt or even how he thought. This sort of thing was fascinating.

The shadows, the parts of people slowly corrupting. Those were equally fascinating and painful. The more Yusuke saw the less he understood. He knew what it was that they had to do. He followed Akira because he was their leader, because as the phantom thieves they were trying to do good one at a time.

And Yusuke, he was useful to Akira. they had a deal, struck from when Yusuke had first signed up with them. A deal that did not change because they were friends. If anything, the deal became more important now. They needed Yusuke to work his hardest because everything that could benefit Akira if only slightly. For every single thing, they were saved one way or another.

Akira had many different masks in Mementos. He was their wild card that had many personas and used them expertly saving them all many times. Yusuke thought it was fitting if only because in the real world he had come to see that Akira had many different faces as well. The glasses hid his good student façade. There was the one that melted through crowds. The one that walked like an adult. The one that’s back seemed so huge and lonely. The one that seemed so close to the metaverse that Yusuke rarely saw. All of them were Akira. They all fascinated him.

He did not know what made him look up but he glanced up anyway. Yusuke caught sight of three Shujin uniforms coming towards him and shifted his feet as he tucked his bag closer to himself. they had arrived. Ryuji on Akira’s right and Ann on his left as they moved through the station. Akira’s glasses were on but he moved with grace and purpose.

How anyone fell for such a fake thing Yusuke did not know. maybe people saw what they wanted to see. He had no idea how Akira who moved like a predator was able to so easily walk among the public and be dismissed. Be forgotten.

Well, Yusuke said that but when it came to him. He rubbed his jaw slowly as he thought about his own behaviour in mementos. He talked good talk but when it came back down to it he was exactly the same way. He was wild in mementos and protective of Akira to the point of where he threw his body in front of him and was the first to drag Akira back when he got injured.

Yusuke himself could be a bit beastly in the mementos. Chasing down rare shadows and finishing enemies with his sword when his blood got hot. And his blood usually got hot when it came to Akira. He watched the way Akira moved before he tucked his phone away. It was silly to linger on these matters when it was time for a meeting.

They had things to achieve and thinking over things like this would change nothing. The facts were what they were. Akira might be strange but Yusuke was strange too. he could not keep his eyes off Akira for too long but when he had to think about it he really did not want to. Akira had an intensity and beauty with him that when it was discovered it was hard to see anything else.

He was really and truly a leader in all the ways that mattered. Yusuke could not keep his eyes off of him and it was not only that. Akira gave him hope. He had saved Yusuke, the phantom thieves had saved him when he had fought them on that matter. When he had denied that he needed saving.

Akira had brought him into this new world and Yusuke was thankful. If only he could take this time now, these feelings that needed to eb sorted. If only he could manage to throw everything he thought and everything that he felt on a canvas he needed to do that. He wanted to bring passion to his canvas again.

He needed to paint something again. He needed a subject, he needed to pour out these feelings and impact the viewer. He did not want to paint like he had before. After everything he had gone through, he wanted to show his growth.

But it was not easy, no wonder he was fumbling no wonder he kept tripping over himself. it was hard. It was difficult but growth and change were not supposed to be easy things to accomplish.

When Akira was mere feet away Yusuke made a frame with his fingers and centred Akira. He captured Akira’s amused smile when he noticed what Yusuke was doing. That smile was so small but it seemed so bright.

“Sorry to make you wait. The trains were full.” Akira greeted. “Did you wait long?”

“Not at all.” Yusuke shook his head. “So now that we are all here. His eyes drifted to Morgana peeking over Akira’s shoulder. “Shall we begin?”

“Let’s have this conversation in somewhere a little less crowded.” Akira glanced over his shoulder and paused for a long while. Yusuke’s eyes were fixed on him until he laughed softly. “Somewhere that we can see those watching and those coming towards us.”

“Is something wrong dude?” Ryuji stepped past Akira looking in the same direction Akira was. “You were acting funny when we left too. what’s this about.”

“Nothing important.” Akira shook his head slowly. “At least not yet. Just a hunch for now. So let us all go somewhere a bit more private and begin to talk about the next target.”

X

“You should draw it would last longer.” Akira said softly. Yusuke pulled back from examining Akira to instead look somewhere else. “I don’t mind. It’s nice the way you stare at me. The way you watch things. You have good eyes Yusuke. I would prefer you use them.” Akira yawned as he sat up. he stretched before he glanced across the attic. Ann still slept and Ryuji had yet to return with the snacks they had sent him to buy.

“I thought you were taking this chance to sleep.” Yusuke studied Akira as they sat at the table together. Akira just pushed his messy hair back before he gave a long-tired sigh. He glanced at the paper they had been writing down points and problems before he sighed again.

“Sleep is one of the things I don’t lack. I turn in fairly early.” Akira muttered. “Even with all this running around in Mementos. The only thing that increased was my need for food. I constantly have to keep eating else I fair I’ll waste away.” He touched his chest with a laugh. “I’m trying to build myself up. get stamina and muscles so I’ll have an impact in Mementos.”

“You already have an impact.” Yusuke smiled. Akira leaned on the table watching him so Yusuke shook his head. “You are truly the wild card that Morgana named you. You wield multiple Personas. You have different elemental types. You can adapt to any situation. You can provide assistance to the rest of us.”

“That’s how you see it.” Akira shifted in his chair. Sat on a side as he looked towards the window. Yusuke watched the smile grow slowly on his face. “Well, I guess that is how it looks but you guys back me up too. the way we keep the flow going. The way sometimes we don’t waste a single move and just mow through the shadows.” He said softly. “That is not just me you know. That is all of us.” His eyes watched Yusuke closely. “It’s all of us Yusuke. Not just me, all of us provide assistance. We never know what we will face, I see myself filling the holes.”

“It’s more than that.” Yusuke shook his head denying Akira’s claim. “It’s way more than that and it goes beyond Mementos. Way beyond inside the palaces and the metaverse. Outside of it as well you provide great assistance to us Akira. Support, understanding. You are our leader.” Yusuke watched the way the light played across Akira’s face as he spoke. “I can think of no other more suited to the role.”

“You’re a good voice in my ear. When it comes to thinking things through and talking things out.” Akira said as he leaned further on the table. He kept his voice low as he spoke and his eyes closed. His entire body showed how relaxed and at easy he was. “When it comes down to it, you and Morgana are great supports. Morgana has great advice and he’s good at guiding me through this whole thing but so are you. I like to think of the two of you as my advisers. Except you know.” His eyes reopened and he laughed. “You two are on the front line with me.”

“And I would not be anywhere else. By your side assisting you is what I would rather do. Yusuke watched Akira smile before he eyes closed again. He was so at ease and trusting Yusuke tried to focus it all. He blocked out all around Akira and instead committed to memory the look Akira held as he sat at the table at ease with himself.

“You should draw it.” Akira laughed softly. “Would last longer and I can tell something is bothering you. Maybe you should draw it out. Or talk it out. Either is good but for the last one.” Akira smiled easy and slow. “I’m right here.”

“I know.” Yusuke said softly as he watched Akira. “As I mentioned before. I’m in a bit of a slump at this time. Nothing that will affect my work at school but there are some things I had wanted to do. As I am right now, I don’t think I can attain what I want.”

“The Sayuri.” Akira’s eyes reopened as he watched Yusuke. “You’ve been coming over more often and the way you watch the Sayuri lately. There are moments I swear you are taking every line appart to see how it works. How it was put together. you want to pain beauty like the Sayuri. Passion and beauty that everyone will see and feel right?”

“Correct.” Yusuke nodded. “That is what I want but I feel as though I can not correctly capture the feeling the way I am right now. I have some discovery to do.” He admitted softly. “I have to think and I have to search for the right thing. The right way forward.” He sighed slowly. “There is so much that I want to do and so much that I cannot attain yet.”

“Yet.” Akira answered. “That’s the important part. You will get it. I believe in you. This is just a bump in the road Yusuke. However, as Ann told you before, she feels love in the Sayuri. It is beautiful because it is soft. Because it taps into a part of the human heart that we can all relate to or image. A mother’s love. You have to think about the kind of beauty you want to capture. Do you want to do it soft like the Sayuri?”

“I don’t know. I’m still unsure.” Yusuke admitted. “But soft like the Sayuri… I don’t want to be like the Sayuri. As thankful and as touched as I am. I want to make my own way. I want it to be on the same level. I want it to inspire I want the beauty to have people speechless. I want them to cry a bit maybe.” Yusuke admitted. “Just as people react to the Sayuri I want them to react to my work or maybe that is hoping for a bit too much.” He smiled.

“No it is not.” Akira’s hand slid across the table to tap Yusuke on the wrist. “Right now, for the next two days we are buried with getting the answers to enter this sort of palace thing. When that is done?” He held Yusuke’s eyes firmly. “We are going to get to the bottom of this for you.” Akira smiled. “Art is important to you Yusuke. We can’t let that part of you shrivel away. We’ll be looking for things to inspire you. Things to make you think. Emotions for you to capture.” Akira finished softly. “Have no worries about it. We will get you over this.”

“I feel so.” Yusuke put Akira in the frame again. His smile was so bright and full of hope. He was so easily able to change things. To brighten up the room and Yusuke could not help himself, He smiled.

“Okay!” Thumps on the steps made Yusuke drop his hands as Ryuji and Morgana appeared. “The line was long as hell but I got everything. Boss sent me up with curry too so win win!” Akira snorted before he got to his feet. He winked at Yusuke as he slipped past on the way to Ryuji. Yusuke watched his back which was still at ease.

X

“Tell me what you’re talking about.” Akira threw himself on the table and gave a loud long sigh as they sat in the safe room. “I need to know what is in your head right now Yusuke.”

“So much.” Yusuke admitted as he sat on the chair. He let his fingers dig into the cushions before he sighed. “So ugly, so gaudy.”

“But you can’t look away.” Akira sat up as he looked at Yusuke. “Is that a bad thing? Don’t look away, acknowledge it. Face it Yusuke. You want to grow don’t you? Isn’t this thing supposed to be about growth for you?” He slowly looked around the safe room before he slipped off the table. “I don’t expect it to be easy Fox. I don’t expect this to be an easy run of things. I’m here for you.”

“I know you are.” Fascinating, someone Yusuke could not keep his eyes off of. That was Akira that was Joker. “I know you are with me. Supporting me, helping me. Holding my hand as I go through this darkness.” Yusuke chuckled. “I’m thankful.”

“I’m not doing it because I’m perfect or a nice person you know.” Akira folded his arms as he stood in the empty safe room. He gave Yusuke a slow smile before he took off his mask. Yusuke watched it burn away in a bright blue fire before Akira laughed softly. “We are friends Fox. I like you so I want to help you.”

“Yes we are.” Yusuke dragged his own mask off and let it vanish. He closed his eyes for a few seconds savouring the coolness that was on his face before he smiled at Akira. “And I like you too Joker. Everything makes sense around you. Things get brighter. That has to be your influence.”

“I think that is less me and more you opening yourself up to things.” Akira snorted. “And Yusuke, art is important but you have to learn to listen as well as watch people. People watching is fun and all.” He tilted his head as he watched Yusuke. “But you know, hearing what they have to say and what they really mean. Doing those things help you understand people a lot better.”

“Are you trying to say that I miss a lot of meanings?” Yusuke paused before he shrugged. “You may be right. Friends were not something I had. I was rather lacking of peers until recently. I imagine there may be some things that go over my head. I have my own thoughts on things. They clash with what others consider the norm.”

“You’re right.” Akira smiled before he laughed softly. “But you know, focusing on the visual is not a bad thing either. Who knows.” His smile softened. “You may reach the point that you know what a person wants to say just by watching them. I feel like you might be able to do that Fox.”

“Your faith in me is as powerful as ever.” The hair on Akira’s head bothered him. Wild and untangled, it suited Joker but that did not mean that the hair looked messy. Akira seemed happy with it but Yusuke huffed before he got to his feet.

When he placed his hand above Akira’s hair waiting for silent permission he got a low laugh instead. Gloved hands grabbed his wrists and they stood there for a few seconds Akira’s eyes dancing as he watched Yusuke. So many emotions were swimming in Akira’s eyes. So many things in his eyes that Yusuke could not even read. All he knew was that whatever it was, it made Akira happy to think about.

“I like you just the way you are. Change is good but the way you are growing Fox.” Akira’s hands released him and he gently brushed Yusuke’s wrists with his gloved fingers before he dropped his hands. “You’ll be amazing once you figure out your way of doing things. I don’t know much about this world of yours but I know that when you find your way no one will be able to stop you.”

“When you talk like that it makes me wonder how anyone is able to dismiss you.” Yusuke admitted softly.

“Well, I wasn’t always like this. Just as how strong swords had to be forged. So was I. So are you.” Akira laughed softly. “But I wish I could see things the way you see them. There is just something so incredible about the way you talk about things. I want to see what you feel, feel what you feel.” He murmured. “I think that is the important thing. The artist has to share his vision but he has to feel it too.”

“Share my love? My rage, my inadequacies have filtered through before. I’ve had pieces with my darker emotions all over it.” Yusuke murmured softly. “But since I was to attain the level of the Sayuri I have to make something that moves the world.”

“So you have to find something that moves you.” Akira laughed softly. “Bet you didn’t think about any of that.”

“I did.” Yusuke admitted. “But only now is it somehow clicking for me.”

X

“Even though I’m sending you home with food I still want to hang out and talk.” Akira murmured softly as they sat in the park. Side by side in the evening on the swings. Yusuke’s eyes moved around the park as they swayed.

“It was hard work today.” He murmured and Akira snorted. “But I feel as if I’ll be able to paint something today. Nothing for others but something for me. When I’m done it won’t go towards work or even competitions. Something meaningful for me and the eyes that I want to see it.”

“Sounds about right.” Akira nodded as he looked down at the sand under them. “But remember that this will not fix everything that is wrong. you have to remember that. It is going to be a long journey to get what you want.”

Yusuke nodded as he stood up. A simple shift moved his bag over his shoulder before he turned to Akira. “I should survive. I have you by my side after all. I trust you and in case you forgot me saying it, you brighten my days Akira.”

“I told you earlier didn’t I?” Akira laughed as he stepped close. “Don’t just watch people. Listen to what they are saying, listen to what you are saying too.” Two more steps and they were chest to chest. Akira had to tilt his head to look him in the eye. “Not going to step back?”

“I don’t want to.” Yusuke admitted as he watched Akira. “Also I know you won’t do anything. I can see it in your eyes.”

“True.” Akira’s hands were slightly rough when he touched Yusuke’s cheek. “I won’t deny that I’m not going to do anything now. Next time you might not be lucky.”

“I think I would be fine next time too. You are a leader, our leader.” He smiled when Akira’s hand stroked his face softly. But warning noted, even though I know that because of your position as leader you were never planning on pushing to the point that we the thieves end up shattering.”

“You’re right.” Akira admitted before he dropped his hand. Being leader isn’t a joke. Dealing with work and supporting my friends is important to me.”

“I have no doubts about that.” Yusuke smiled. “From the moment I met you, I knew that you valued those around you. Even now I know that.” Akira’s smile was so warm. It was so bright that Yusuke’s hand moved before he could stop it. “Ah.” He muttered as he smoothed Akira’s cheek with his thumb. “I suppose this is also what you are warning me about.”

“Pretty much this.” Akira held his hand before he glanced around the park. “It’s getting dark and we still have a bunch of things to do. Unless things like this…” He trailed off as he rubbed Yusuke’s wrist. “Are going to make you feel like you have an emotion or story to share with the world and make them feel. We should get back to this later.”

“I feel almost as if this is something kids our age don’t think about. Things that they would not have to worry about.” Yusuke admitted as Akira stepped away.

“Kids our age get off really easy.” Akira laughed softly. “And we aren’t normal kids, even before the metaverse. None of us were normal kids Yusuke. That’s what makes it so much easier.” He murmured before he smiled. “A phantom thief is about waiting too until you secure the route. I don’t mind waiting.” His eyes showed no lies. Even seeing that warmed Yusuke all over.

X

He was beautiful. Yusuke’s pencil moved before he could stop himself. Akira had come to Kosei for his own research purposes. Something about seeing a friend but as Yusuke looked at him, he had to say that Akira seeking him out was one of the best things that could happen this day. He was beautiful in so many ways. Daring as well, that hint that was Joker shined through in his body.

Yusuke should say something about Akira so easily sitting in the window sea of the art room dangling his feet as he watched the sky but his pencil was moving instead. Across the sketchpad because he still could not touch his canvases seriously. He wanted to share what he felt on the page now.

The lines of Akira’s back, the softness in his body that Yusuke could see. The lines of his face, the slyness of Joker. The confidence of his leader and the beauty of the person that Yusuke found it difficult to look away. It was like that. Yusuke could not look away from it.

There was just silence between them. Akira in his thoughts and Yusuke watching him. His pencil moved, glided across the page and he held his breath when Akira stretched slowly. The rise of his jacket reminded him of their moment in the park.

Akira’s eyes had been intense, beautiful and striking. Yusuke was not afraid he was interested, but maybe not enough to do something. He found the colour of Akira’s eyes mesmerizing. He found the light they looked at Yusuke with mesmerizing. He found the entire thing too beautiful to resist. He wanted to draw it.

This was also beauty but what would others see? The shadows that fell over Akira’s body? The hint of the leader hidden within the school child? Yusuke’s own longing? He had no idea but as he finished his drawing, he felt more than saw Akira’s attention shifting. It was such a powerful thing that he had to look up and make certain.

From the corner of his eye Akira was watching him. His face had not changed, he was still at ease still relaxed but he was no longer lost in his thoughts. He was focused on Yusuke and whatever he may be thinking, Yusuke could not read him. He wished he could. It would certainly be interesting. He was already so drawn to Akira as it was.

“It’s nice to see you thinking about me.” Akira laughed softly. “I always wondered what it would be like to have you draw me. What your focus would be. I really want to see you grow Yusuke. I want to see you overcome your problems.”

“You have so many sides to you.” Yusuke shaded his sketch of Akira as he kept Akira’s gaze. “I don’t think I can accurately draw them all. So many of them and all of them are you.”

“I have many sides of me because how else would we fight? How else would we win?” Akira asked softly. “How else would I survive? Every person, every situation and every difficulty trains and changes a part of me. That is all it is.”

“And this is how you continue to be the strongest person I’ve ever met.” Yusuke slowly shaded Akira’s hair before he smiled. “It’s encouraging.”

X

“So we want to do this? Alone?” Akira asked the moment he opened the heavy door. “Because Ann and Ryuji can be here quickly. I can even go and call Morgana if we need to do that. We don’t need to be alone here Yusuke.”

“I’m not alone. You are here.” Yusuke walked through the door and swallowed before he squared his shoulders. Firm direct steps took him into the house. So much missing. So many memories bombarding him. “With you by my side I’m certain to change something. I’m certain to achieve what I need to do here.”

“I still feel like we should be with someone.” Akira came up behind him before he rested his hand on Yusuke’s shoulder. “But if you think I’m enough then I’m enough. We do this slowly and remember I’m here to listen.”

“He meant so much to me.” Yusuke stared around the corridors his heart in his throat. “He raised me.” He could see into the rooms as he walked. He could remember what caused the paint stains. He could recall himself. The memories so strong that he could hear their past conversations in the house. “He raised a child. He took me in after he did those awful things. He raised a child continuing to do those awful things. I loved art, I loved the art he loved and the art he created. I loved the art he wanted me to create.” He said softly.

“Yes you did.” Akira stepped past him into the empty work room and gently touched some of the blank canvases. He stroked the top before he looked at Yusuke. “You were happy for a time Yusuke. You were cared for a time. The rest does not change that.”

“Everything I was told to love and appreciate he threw away. When I recall how ugly and gaudy his palace was. How he thought of people and art.” Yusuke bit his tongue and turned away. He listened to Akira’s footsteps as he approached but he could not look at him. “When I think how much it hurt to see that. When I think about how he saw us. He turned his back on our world.”

“He turned his back on it a long time ago.” Akira said softly as Yusuke braced his hand on the wall before him. Strong hands slid around him before Akira slowly hugged him from behind. “Humans are complicated creatures Yusuke. Things aren’t as easy as black and white. People can do a lot of bad and a lot of good. But I understand, you loved a world, you loved a space and he took that space from you.”

“Everything that I had thought about beauty and passion about love. They came from him and his art and most of that was not even his!” Yusuke stressed. “Most of that was wrong! the beauty I was chasing after all this time. That belonged to my mother! The love and passion that I saw depicted in works were not even his! Where do I go with this? How do I get past this slump? Akira.” Yusuke whispered. “I have to change how I see but I have no clue how to begin to open my eyes to see. I start with me but how to I open my eyes so I can see truth?”

“You’ve been seeing truth this entire time.” Akira said softly. “You had closed yourself off first but now, when it comes to seeing and recognizing do you think you are prepared? You known he betrayed you. Not just you but the world you love, the community that you love.” Akira whispered. “So you know what happened. You feel conflicted Yusuke and you have to accept that confliction before you can step forward. Before you can move forward to see you have to look at that. Because right now.” Akira pulled back and pulled Yusuke to face him. “If you won’t look you won’t understand and people won’t understand.”

“My feelings for him hurt me.” Yusuke whispered. “It should be easy to-“

“Nothing involving family is easy. It’s true now and it was true years ago.” Akira cupped his face his eyes steady on Yusuke. “He hurt you, he betrayed you. These are things he did. However, he raised you, gave you gifts, guided you. He also stole from you. These are your truths Yusuke. You have to accept them and them you can do what you need to do with them.”

“Accept them by doing something? You want me to paint it out? How…” Yusuke snorted before he laughed. “That may actually do some good but I doubt it will be beautiful.”

“Maybe not to you but I bet it will be powerful. There is nothing that could come from your brush that would not have an impact. You are talented Yusuke.” Akira’s hands slipped from his face to Yusuke’s shoulders before he smiled. “What comes afterwards we would deal with it when it happens. Waiting is okay. It really is Yusuke.” It was so easy to believe in him. It was so easy to see the light behind him.

“For a few moments may I-“ Yusuke trailed off as he stepped closer to Akira. he waited for a few seconds before Akira lifted his arms. Yusuke wrapped Akira in a tight hug and pressed his nose into Akira’s shoulder as he breathed slowly. He felt warm. He felt comforted.

Akira’s words were swirling around in his brain crammed with truth. Truth that Yusuke could not deny. Truth he did not want to deny. He was so thankful. This made sense, this felt right. Whatever came to life on the canvas he would accept it. He would look at it.

“Thank you.” He whispered. Akira’s only response was to hug him harder. That was fine.

X

His hands were trembling as he sat before the empty canvas. Akira was with him in the room. That was the only thing stopping him from taking down the canvas. He knew he wanted to but at the same time he honestly could not.

This had to be done. He had to face it and the way best to face all of this was art. It had started with art it came down to art and it had to be healed with art. Yusuke needed to be healed by this. He bit his lip before he reached for his paints his heart was thudding.

“I’m here.” Akira whispered when Yusuke dipped his brush into the first paint. A dark red, dark and murky. “I’m right here to see this true.”

“I know.” His hands slowed the trembling as Yusuke answered him back. “You are right here by my side. His hands were steady as he kept his gaze on the canvas. “Akira, I thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet.” Akira murmured. “Not yet Yusuke. Don’t thank me just yet. Give it some time. And stop stalling.” He laughed softly.

“Nothing can escape your gaze it seems.” Yusuke murmured before he smiled. He let the brush guide him as he fell into the headspace that he always fell into. Art was his place; this was a room where he felt comfortable in. where things like body needs had no place. It was narrowed down to his tools and the place he poured his thoughts on.

Red, brown and black. He went between colours as he worked. Gold a gaudy shiny gold. The paint he used as his thoughts swirled and swirled.

Pink in some places, the memories that seeped up as he worked. His breath hitched when he mixed in brighter colours. How did he feel? His strokes were wider as he allowed it to come to the surface. The things he had heard. The things he had not understood. The things he still did not understand.

Gold and Black. The shadow was the truth, wide strokes as he painted. His grip on the brush was tight as his gut twisted. Pink, blue and green. Those childhood memories and the things that Yusuke had heard. What reason could be behind them? He could not understand. Madarame in his own way-

But no he had betrayed Yusuke he had hurt him and that could not be forgotten by any means he had hurt Yusuke. Betrayed him. Gold, black and brown. The shadow was the truth.

People may be complicated but Yusuke was torn apart by this. How could some one care and hurt him in such a way? Use him in a such a way? The betrayal meant they never cared right?

How much time had passed Yusuke had no idea but his strokes were slower his areas to work were less and he felt calmer. Emptier. Pink, gold. The colours that he used as he continued and as he hurt.

Madarame had betrayed him and everything Yusuke had thought they had stood for. The thing Yusuke loved had been trampled on. The man had looked at him as some sort of thing to use. That was the shadow’s truth. But the shadow had also not wanted Yusuke to leave him. What kinf of reasoning could lie beyond that? And he had cared for him used money on him without a thought. He had loved him when he was a child.

A tear splashed on his arm when he pulled back his brush. He was finished. The canvas was covered and Yusuke was so tired. He still did not have an answer. It was just so hard.

“See?” Akira said softly as he knelt by Yusuke’s side. “It is just as I had told you Yusuke. People are complicated creatures.” The awe in his voice made Yusuke blink away tears before he looked at Akira’s face. The amazement on his face as he stared at the completed canvas.

“What do you see?” Yusuke whispered before he cleared his throat. It felt tight and hot, it was hard to force words past that.

“Pain, regret.” Akira said softly. “But in the corners, I see hope I see a painful love. I see understanding and forgiveness. But not the forgiveness people normally think of. This is more the acceptance of matters and the forgiveness of someone ready to move on.”

“He betrayed me. He hurt me.” Yusuke whispered as he got to his feet. The canvas was covered in colours and shapes. His emotions had been poured onto the entire canvas he felt exhausted, drained just looking at it but deep inside of himself there was a feeling. “He loved me. Somehow, he managed to love me, under all of that but it wasn’t a good love. It wasn’t enough he was still a bad person. He cared for me, he showed me the ropes but he was never a good person. After everything he had done there had never been a chance of this ending anyway but badly.”

“You understand that. You can see it by your art.” Akira had stood along with Yusuke and moved closer to the canvas. “I think the same way. He was complicated, he did a lot of bad things but to you he did a few good things. You should hold onto those good memories and the things that made you feel good. A bad person can do good things.”

“By that logic the reverse is true.” Yusuke felt himself smile. “Are you capable of doing bad Akira?”

“You think I’m good?” Akira snorted as he folded his arms. “But it is possible. We are all weak to desires Yusuke.”

“Yes.” He admitted. “If you had not saved me. If you had not grabbed my hand, I shudder to think how far down I would have sunken. What kind of warped being I would have become.”

“I’m glad we did then.” Akira smiled before he glanced at the window. “But I think we should get out of this place before long. I’ll start to pull the blinds and close the windows.

“Before that.” Yusuke interrupted as he grabbed Akira’s arm. He found himself amused at Akira’s startled glance before he kissed him. It was short, his first kiss ever but he had wanted to press his lips against Akira since this thing between them had seriously changed. There was no other way he could express what he was thinking and his thanks for it all.

“Yusuke.” Akira gasped when Yusuke let him pull back. “What.” He licked his lips as his cheeks flushed. His eyes were darker. “Are you- you are seriously?” He bit his lip before he reached forward and sank his hands into Yusuke’s hair. This kiss was deeper, fiercer and Yusuke found himself gasping before he grabbed Akira’s shoulders and held on tightly. He did not want to let go, he did not think he would be able to.

X

He was able to paint again. Akira was just so bright. Yusuke glanced over his canvas to find Akira looking directly at him. He ducked his head but Akira’s laughter filled the room before his boyfriend got to his feet.

“No use hiding when your stare is that intense.” Akira snickered as he came around the canvas to stand by Yusuke’s side. “Me again huh. Is this for personal use?” He teased as he pulled up a chair. Or is this one just because you want to paint?”

“I’m entering the one from before and this.” Yusuke glanced at Akira before he smiled. He focused his brushes but Akira’s stare made him laugh softly. “I can’t stop drawing you. You are hard to look away from as it is but you keep giving me more things to look at. My head fills with ideas and new ways when I’m with you.”

“And I see my usual reckless self is just fascinating to you.” Akira laughed as he leaned towards the canvas. “My jump made that much of an impression on you? You should have been there when I was on the team.”

“I bet you were beautiful.” Yusuke said softly as he switched brushes. “Your face and your smile. The way your body relaxes. You are truly alive when you jump. When you take command, when you are working. While you plot, when you manage to pull one over someone. Deep inside of mementos.” Yusuke used the handle of his brush to tilt up his boyfriend’s chin. “Your eyes shine with life, you are truly alive, on fire during those moments.”

“You are so observant.” Akira murmured softly “So beautiful and so observant. Tell me something, speaking to me like that.” He teased, are you trying to seduce me Yusuke? It’s working.” He leaned close his eyes focused on Yusuke’s face, mischief lurked in their depths a dancing colour that Yusuke badly wanted to capture.

“And I was?” He questioned as he let his brush slightly lower. “What would you do?”

“Why don’t you finish and see?” Akira laughed as he pushed his chair back. With another laugh he paced back to where he had been originally sitting. “And you know Yusuke.” He said as he lapped his feet. “I wouldn’t say no to nude modelling.” Yusuke rolled his eyes as his boyfriend’s snickers filled the room. He could be so silly and carefree sometimes, but Yusuke liked that about him too.

X

No matter what it seemed that when things were going good bad was going to come. Losses were mixed with wins no matter what they did. Grief lingered with their wins no matter how careful they were and how hard they tried.

Yusuke knew that a lot was on his boyfriend’s mind. He knew that Akira had worked hard for not just himself but all of them. The plan had been risky but necessary. Regardless of the things that had happened along the way. Regardless of the sacrifices along the way they had made it out alive.

They had tried hard but they had their limits. They had seriously tried as hard as they could but sometimes they were just outmatched. This thing had started bigger than them to begin with. Yusuke glanced at Akira. watched the lines in his back as he stood by the window looking outside.

He had come to be by Akira’s side. For others this time of year would be perfect to spend with a lower. For others this time would be romantic. Yusuke could not bring himself to fall that deep into such thoughts. Not when everything was slightly marked with grief.

The loss of Morgana had hit them all hard but Akira the most. Akira had been with Morgana the longest been by his side day and night. Morgana had been Akira’s second from the beginning and their guide. Even though Yusuke understood why it still had hurt and for Akira even with the win he hurt.

But there was something niggling in him as he tried to coax Akira again and again. He did not want to leave him alone but the feeling that something was not right would not leave him.

“Maybe I should go.” He said softly as he watched Akira. “I just wanted to wish you a happy holidays Akira. you and the Boss. I should see if Futaba is well and take my leave.” Go to the dorms and paint away the sadness until he was surrounded by pieces and empty inside.

“Leave?” Akira’s head jerked up before he whirled around. The pain on his face made Yusuke hurt. He was on his feet as Akira approached him. Quick heavy steps before Akira hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry Yusuke. There is just a lot on my mind. I’m so sorry about this. I don’t want to waste a second with you.”

“There is no wasting.” Yusuke pointed out as he pulled back. “Akira we have all the time in the world. We changed things.” He cupped Akira’s cheek; his boyfriend leaned into the touch even as his eyes saddened. “I just want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you too.” Akira whispered. “I want to have as many moments as I possibly can Yusuke.” His hands slid up Yusuke’s arms until they gripped his shoulders in a hard grip. “I want to have so many thoughts of you that even when I can’t see you, I can imagine it. Feel it.”

“I thought you could do that already.” Yusuke tried to tease before Akira’s expression made him stop. He gently leaned his forehead against Akira’s before he sighed softly. “If every second counts then maybe we should try harder to focus on what is in front of us. Something heavy hangs over your head Akira.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Akira whispered. “But I love you.” He leaned forward until he kissed the tip of Yusuke’s nose. “I love you so much Yusuke.” He whispered again. “So very much.” A kiss to Yusuke’s forehead before his hands wrapped around Yusuke’s nape. “So much, I don’t know what I should do.” A kiss to his lips. Soft but passionate that made Yusuke melt. Akira made him take one step back and then another. The kiss stole his thoughts. Melted his brain but even as Yusuke fell onto the couch and pulled Akira with him. The feeling that something was wrong would not leave him.

X

He should always go with his gut feelings. Yusuke closed his eyes tightly as he sat in the booth. He ignored the others he ignored the noise. Instead he thought back to when he had been upstairs just a while ago. He had let Akira distract him. He had let his boyfriend pull the wool over his eyes.

He had known something was wrong about Akira that something had changed that something was on his mind. There had been something dark hanging over his mind. Yusuke had known that but Akira refused to share it.

Now that he had the truth his mouth tasted like sand. He had to make a tight fist as he kept his eyes tightly closed. He would not say anything, everyone else was saying enough for them all. Getting angry would change nothing. Akira was gone. He had been taken away from them.

And Akira had lied to him. He had gone behind Yusuke’s back. Akira had done what he had sworn to never to. He had hidden things he had lied to Yusuke’s face. He had gone behind Yusuke’s back and gotten himself in this situation. He had not trusted Yusuke either.

That one, that part hurt the most. Yusuke swallowed as he reopened his eyes. The others were gathered around speaking with hurt in their tones but Yusuke, he felt completely destroyed. He had trusted in Akira, believed in him and he had gone and lied to him too. why? He had the chance, those hours he had been whispering how much he loved him. He could have said something.

But he had not. Now he was out of their reach. He had done this for what? for them? If he had done this as a leader what did Yusuke even mean to him? He knew Yusuke’s fears; he knew how hard Yusuke had fought to get to his feet and he had gone and thrown Yusuke to the ground again. It was painful. His heart clenched tightly. It was so painful.

X

It was heart-breaking, it was painful. Yusuke sat as he drank the coffee. His eyes were on the Sayuri but he was not seeing. The calming feelings that usually washed over him when he looked at it were not coming for him this day. He drank deeply from the cup and sighed.

Even the coffee was not calming him. No fault to the maker. The Boss was wonderful as he always was. Boss Sojiro’s coffee was never lacking, it was just that over time Yusuke had grown accustomed to how Akira would make things. Boss Sojiro was better of course but he had grown accustomed to Akira’s tries, his own way of making things. There had been signs of his making his own marks. Yusuke had grown to love it.

He sighed again as he lowered his cup. He had come here because there were few places he could go. The art room was no use since he was not in the mood to work there. He had finished all outstanding projects to the amazement to his teachers.

It was hard to explain that he could not sleep so he worked instead. It hurt too much to dream Yusuke found himself dreaming of Akira, of their last together and just how much it had hurt to be lied to once more.

Not that they were going to leave Akira where he was. Let him take the blow and go down for them. Let him suffer while the rest of them walked around freely. Yusuke knew that the reason Akira had been so distraught was because he had been thinking about them. That was fine.

He should have kept Yusuke in the loop, that was all he was saying. That he had not done that told Yusuke many things.”

“Chin up kid.” Boss Sojiro cleaned the area next to him on the counter top and Yusuke jerked up. “Keep such a sad face on you and when that brat gets out he’ll fret over the lines on your face.”

Yusuke was unsure to how much Boss knew about them but he smiled all the same. “He deserves to fret, his reckless ways cause harm to all of our hearts.”

“He was pretty upset but he’s stubborn.” Boss leaned on the counter as he met Yusuke’s gaze. “He was real beat up about the whole thing you know that? He left a note with me; I didn’t get what he meant by it. Thought he was yanking my chain but while he didn’t say it was for you. I think it is for you. I mean after all. I’m not that old. All of you are friends but you’re special to him aren’t you?”

“How special could I be if he doesn’t say anything?” Yusuke gritted before he held his head in his hands. “He didn’t trust me. I asked him and he lied to me. Several times. Over and over. Then my world breaks, my world shatters because he lied.” He stressed.

“He hurt you. Of course he did. He didn’t know the right thing to do. He’s a kid. Doesn’t excuse him but he’s a brat. An inexperienced brat that maybe didn’t want to make you cry.” Boss moved to the lines of coffee and slipped a note from under the blue mountain container. “But I bet you cried anyway. He should have let you cry where he could see. Where he could wipe away your tears.”

“I don’t think he thought that far ahead.” Yusuke snorted as he shook his head. “He hurt me, after everything I went through, after everything I went through after the fact. those that turned their backs on me, whispered about me. Tried to take advantage of me. I said Akira was the last person who would hurt me. He loved me.” His throat was tight. “He said so, he kept saying so.”

“Some people can’t be explained. Some people try their best and mess up anyways.” Sojiro topped up Yusuke’s cup and he noticed that it had been empty. Good thing or else it would have been cold. “I’m not making excuses for the brat. He hurt you, deserves a thrashing for hurting all of his friends. He should have said something.”

“We would have tried to do something. Stop him being taken away.” Yusuke swallowed. “He should have told me. He had the chance. I was here. I was right here and he wouldn’t let me leave.” Yusuke whispered. The last train had come and gone without him on it. He had left on the first one instead, Akira hugging him tightly in the station a few minutes before the train departure. “He should have told me.”

“Yes he should have.” Boss agreed. “But he didn’t. He didn’t. he decided to hide run and lie instead. He left a note rather than tell you what was going on. He pushed the note across the counter to Yusuke. “So what will you do? You can’t just sit here and wait for him to come back. You sit here so blankly and so in pain anyone can tell. You can’t survive like that.”

“I don’t even know how to feel.” Yusuke admitted. “It just hurts. It hurts and I’m angry.” He admitted softly. “I’m very angry with all of this. At him and everything else. I was right here and he lied. After everything, after I fought by his side. He praised my observation skills. We made plans together. we had just beat our greatest enemy and he left me behind and lied to me instead.” He met Boss Sojiro’s eyes as he picked up the paper. “We’ve gone through so much. I just can’t ignore it all. He was the one that let me accept the past and move on. Now I have this to deal with.”

“So what will you do?” Boss smiled at him. “Have you decided?”

“First.” Yusuke pulled out his phone and checked the chat messages. “We get him out of there. Then the talk can come afterwards. I can’t understand or even process this with him gone.”

X

Yusuke’s hand shook slightly as he grabbed the railing. He had to take a few deep breaths before he was able to continue his way upwards. He had avoided up here like the plague the entire time that Akira was gone.

He cleared his throat when he got to the top. At the far corner of the room his hands folded behind his back as he stared out the window. He still looked the same. Yusuke swallowed tightly when Akira looked around at him.

He still looked the same. It was almost like the months had not even happened. His face brightened when he spotted Yusuke. The same way it had when he had walked into the café earlier. It had brightened so much when he had seen them all.

Now his eyes shone before a pained look crossed his face. Akira backed the window and his gaze dipped to the ground before his gaze met Yusuke’s and held. The regret and pain in them almost made Yusuke falter. Except he could remember the last time he had been in this room with Akira so instead it made him strong.

“Why?” He reached into his jacket and pulled out the note that Boss Sojiro had given him after the holidays. “Why Akira? Why this? Why any of this? And why not just tell me when I had been right here by your side? How…” He trailed off softly. “How could you do that?”

“I told you.” Akira’s smile was pained. “That humans are complicated creatures. That it isn’t easy to explain them. I did tell you that Yusuke.”

“That doesn’t explain this.” He hissed as he shook his head. “You know that it does not explain any of this Akira. It doesn’t explain why.” He stepped close then paused. He was so close, the face he loved was right in front of him. “You have any idea how you hurt me?” He whispered. “We had just gotten to our feet and you tripped us Akira. you did this on your own, you, you-“

“Even though I love you with everything that I have.” Akira’s voice was hoarse as he spoke. None of the teasing, none of the cockiness he had shown when speaking downstairs. None of his joking personality or his Joker confidence. Instead his eyes showed his pain, his agony. “I hurt you just like everyone else. I was so weak.” He whispered. “The words would not leave my mouth Yusuke. No real excuse. It could never be an excuse.” He whispered in a low hiss. “But I couldn’t. You know that? I just couldn’t do it.”

“Damn this.” Yusuke took a step back. He ignored the alarm that flashed through Akira’s eyes. “I don’t think I can do this now.”

“Yusuke!” The panic made him turn back around. Akira’s eyes were so pained and even while his arm was stretched towards Yusuke he refused to step forward. “Please don’t leave.”

“I need answers I need something to cling to.” Yusuke whispered. “I don’t think you have that right now. You’ve been so much to me. The person who helped me dust away the lies from my eyes. Now you are the one that tried to wrap me up in lies. For what?”

“My own selfish sake.” Akira’s throat worked as he swallowed. “I couldn’t do it. I was scared, I was terrified. In there is terrifying. No matter how strong I am I couldn’t say it. It was for the best, there was no other choice. There were no other options. I didn’t want tears and fighting when I was pulled away. I had enough of that with my parents. It hurt like hell but I went by myself. Scared, feeling like crap but I went to face that on my own. I wasn’t strong enough to have anyone’s support. I wouldn’t have gone. One tear, one beg Yusuke.” Akira swallowed. “I would have crumbled.”

“Doesn’t make this right. I was right there and yet you were so far away.” Yusuke whispered as he stepped closer. Akira’s fingers trembled but he did not touch Yusuke. He kept himself back almost as if he felt he had lost the right to make a move or touch Yusuke at all. And when Yusuke looked back he could understand that was because of the responsibility Akira piled on himself. “No secrets, no lies.”

“I broke that promise. I was weak.” Akira swallowed. “And I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry Yusuke.”

“It was so hard to be without you.” Yusuke pointed out softly. “It was so difficult to go through this alone Akira.”

“It was so hard in there too. Even now it is over.” Akira said softly. “I kept myself going knowing I was protecting you. All of you but I took that choice away from all of you. And you did better than my attempts. You got the whole thing thrown out.” Akira smiled. “You saved me better than how I saved you.”

“Not true.” His hand trembled before he reached for Akira. His skin was cold to the touch but the way he melted into Yusuke’s touch made his heart hurt. “We keep saving each other.”

“No one is perfect, we mess up over and over.” Akira whispered as he leaned into Yusuke’s hand. “And I hope you were still able to paint.”

“I did a piece about how I feel. About how I see all of this.” Yusuke pulled back and opened his phone. He turned to a recent photo and waited for Akira to react he did not have long wait. Akira’s eyes widened before he swallowed.

“It’s beautiful and heart-breaking.” He whispered. “What is the weapon?” He winced as he looked closer. “That the human is using on the creature.

“He’s injecting a vaccine deep into his heart.” Yusuke said softly. He watched Akira’s eyes change as he spoke before he sighed. “The human hurt the mythical creature but while he is. He’s saving it, the only way he knows how.”

“Yusuke.” Akira trembled. He did not make a move so Yusuke did. He wrapped his boyfriend up in a tight hug. Akira’s tears dripped onto his shirt as he gripped Yusuke back in a tight hug. “I love you so much.” He gasped wetly into Yusuke’s shirt. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Yusuke.”

“I know.” Yusuke said softly. It did not make it right but Yusuke had been sitting down turning this over for a few months. His feelings had not changed and the frantic foolish choice Akira had made had been made out of panic and love. There was very little that Yusuke could do about that. “But never again.” He whispered as he hugged Akira tightly. “My heart can’t take this another time.”

Akira nodded into his shirt before he tilted his head so Yusuke’s could see his face. “Never.” He whispered. “I love you so much Yusuke. I missed you so much.”

“I missed your smile so much.” Yusuke cupped Akira’s face as he spoke. “I need to see it again. I need to heal from all of this. So never again Akira.”

“Never.” Akira whispered before he kissed him. A soft kiss that spoke of promise. Yusuke kissed him until his head swam before he pulled back. Akira’s bright hopeful smile made him smile in return. There was the light he had been missing since Christmas. The beautiful inspiring smile that belonged to such a complicated man. Yusuke lowered his head and kissed Akira once more, a kiss that robbed them both of breath. They had lots of time to make up. They had a lot of work ahead of them.

 


End file.
